I know, I know, like Jackie I haven’t posted a lot in the past few weeks. I’m not dead, I promise. It’s just been crazazy over here in Hell.
For starters, Pook got her first tooth last week! I didn’t even know the little stinker was teething. My Mom said H1 would teeth and the whole world knew about it, whereas me…I just teethed. So I guess she’s taking after her Mama!
And she also crawled for the first time last week, too! And now that she knows she can scoot her little butt around, she wants to be down on the ground all the time. Time to get that baby gate. And time for Mama to start picking up her shoes instead of just kicking them off and calling it a day. Oh, and she claps now too! She’s turning into the little baby I always envisioned: chubby little pink cheeks, crawling, smiling, and clapping with one little tooth a-pokin’ out. She’s growing up so fast.
And sorry but my week didn’t start off too great, either. Monday was like any other day, until we went to Les Schwab to change a tire and I watched the news. Apparently, our fearless leader Obama decided that even though both candidates promised to get our asses out of the Middle East, it would be a wonderful idea to send 17,000 more troops into Afghanistan. So, naturally, I fire off a text to Gaki, “Um, so there’s 17k going into Afghanistan, is your unit with them?” He waffled. I angrily sent a text “Are you going, yes or no?!” And he said to call him; he didn’t want to discuss this over text. Well shit, that can’t be good news. And it wasn’t.
Gaki’s platoon is indeed among the 17,000 being deployed. But surely you’re not among them, right, I mean, you’re out in July, right?! Well, do you want hard facts or sugar coating? Fighting to keep my cool and not go off I said through gritted teeth, “Just tell me the facts before I hop a plane to wring your neck.” And, as it turns out there’s a 60/40 chance he’ll get a forced extension and be in Afghanistan. Son. Of. A. Bitch. I totally lost my cool, ranting over our stupid President, and his stupid ideas, and his stupid campaign promises, and this stupid war. Thankfully, Gaki just let me vent, he knew I wasn’t mad at him. But I’m still pretty pissed. And to be honest, I’m scared, too. I don’t want Gaki or my other friends to come home in boxes. Or come home with limbs missed. I’m so effing terrified right now.
And my friend John is finally filing for divorce. After three weeks of going between “No, I love her, I want this to work.” And “Screw this, I’m just going to file!” he finally decided to file. So, beingthe good friend I am, I talked to his wife to see if she even wanted to give it another shot. While she said she “kinda” did, her actions said otherwise. She wanted to be shown he cared, so he gave her flowers, left sweet voicemails, sent flirty little texts. And what did he get for all that? Nothing. Not even a thank you. Oh, and the small, teeny tiny little fact she’s still seeing the guy she cheated on him with…And she is utterly convinced that he has found another girl. Namely me. Even though I love John like a brother, I’d never date the guy. Besides, though we get along famously, he needs a low maintenance gal, and I’m the furthest thing from that.
Speaking of John…Tuesday was my birthday so I cajoled him into going with me to Irv’s, a local bar. A local gay bar. John is straight, (as you may haveguessed) and a firefighter. He’s about as straight as they come. The bar had a drag show in honor of Fat Tuesday. Everything was going along fine, though John was uncomfortable. I even had three drag queens compliment my chest. (I know, they’re just fabulous, aren’t they? And real, too.) But when one of the drag queens started rubbing John’s shoulders and hitting on him…Well, I’ll spare you the details but in the end we left.
So, now you know why I’ve been incommunicado recently. Hopefully I’ll have more to share later. Love you all.
Okay, I know it’s late. My bad, dawg. Wait! I have a good reason! The Sunday I got back I had a massive seizure, and as usual, I bit my tongue and it got pretty swollen. Then I got a nasty cold so I was pretty much out of commission. So, anyway…San Diego…
It was amazing.
As I got dressed in tank tops and sandals every morning, I had to remind myself that it was actually February. It was in the high 70’s, low 80’s. Except for the two days Gaki and I spent in Los Angeles, when it was 60 and rained. And people were in parkas. Wimps. People were freaking out, like they’d never seen precipitation in their lives. I wanted to yell, “Y’all would never make it where I come from!”
Sea World was amazing, if not expensive. Lunch was over $40. For a little pizza, a salad, two bottled waters, and breadsticks. I wanted to march right back into the deli and say, “Do you have any idea what I could do with forty clams?! It would surely taste better than this kibble!” But we got a behind-the-scenes animal tour which included feeding the dolphins, moray eels, and sea turtles. And we got to pet the dolphins, and they felt like wet marble. I also petted manta rays, and they felt like wet rubber. The rays would actually try to jump out of the water to get to your hand, thinking you had food.
Of course we saw the Shamu show, though Shamu wasn’t on that day. We watched Ulysses, a 25-foot long, 9,500 pound Orca whale. This is one big mofo. And of course, the trainers are going under water, swimming with this beast. I was awed, but also thinking, “Um, what if he’s having a bad day? And you tick him off? What then?” But I also figured they’d probably trained for that.
We also spent a day in La Jolla. It’s a beautiful community, but man is that place expensive. Gaki and I drove past a house that was $3.5 million dollars. A house that, in Washington, would’ve been $150,000 tops. It was pupping season, meaning the seals were having their pups. I shot an awesome video of a six-week-old seal pup. While I was attempting to swim in the ocean, I had to remind myself that it was February. And yet there I was on the beach in a bikini, frolicking in the waves. I felt so wealthy, since I’ve only seen pictures of celebrities doing that. We stopped into a shop and I picked up a pair of shoes, and asked Gaki, “Where’s the price…Wait a minute. Okay. I get it. Never mind.” He laughed, he’s used to this lifestyle. I’ve never felt so small town in my whole life.
We also spent two days touring LA, Hollywood, and Beverly Hills. Great shopping, but the traffic. Oh, the horror! You can keep it. Note: That little stick on the left hand side of your steering column? That’s a turn signal, use it. That’s right, it’s not just for decoration. I saw Mann’s Chinese Theater, and I have the same sized hands as Marilyn Monroe, and the same sized feet as Adam Sandler! But, um, LA, it seems was dirty. Maybe it was all the foot traffic up and down Hollywood Boulevard, but it just seemed…Dirty.
My first full day in sunny SoCal was spent in Balboa Park. What a beautiful place. I think it used to be a Spanish Mission, at least that’s what the architecture suggests. We went into all the museums. It was amazing to see the mummies, and know that I was literally inches away from history. I was inches away from a (pregnant) mummy that lived, breathed, and had a life thousands of years ago. I was humbled. What was her life like? Was she happy about the pregnancy? What happened that caused her death? Did her embalmers know she was pregnant at the time? Would she have called me a wimp for screaming for an epidural?
It was also very, very nice to have a break from everything. From work, the daily rat race, and I hate to say it…From Pooker Butt. I could just pack up and leave when I wanted! I could eat first without feeding her first, or giving her little bits off my plate. My clothes didn’t have dried puréed peas on them!Although, ironically, I was up at 7:30 every morning, just like Pooker Butt is. I guess once you’ve got into some habits, you don’t break them. But I also missed her terribly. I cried when I saw her Sunday afternoon.
And Gaki…God it was good to see him. We have a very long history together, him and I. We dated for a bit back in high school and it ended disastrously. But, we’ve stayed in touch over the years. And yes, two years ago, he fucked up. Big time. He knows it, and he’s sorry. I forgave him. It was still good to see him. We’ve always had an easy rapport with each other, and a million little names for one another, though most of the names I’ve given him are in Japanese. But the name I use the most for him is Gaki, which is punk inJapanese. Sometimes he acts like a punk, but mostly it’s playful. Mostly, when we talk, it’s witty banter exchanging little jabs to each other. The Old Wolf says I’ve always loved him, and I guess that’s true. A part of me always will. After all, he’s scarily similar to my Father. And we all know how much I love that old bear.
But, as with most things in life, it was bittersweet. Gaki is leaving on deployment to Afghanistan in July. I am not happy with this. At all. I don’t want him to come back disfigured, or worse yet, in a box. If he does, I guess I’ll deal with it then. But, if he gets predeployment leave in July….I’ll probably be going back. It’ll probably be one week long party. And considering it might very well be the last time I see him alive, yeah- I’m going. (Gaki said I have a flair for the dramatic. Now why would he say that?)
That’s all for now, kiddos. I have a new Stupid Bitch of the Week this week! It’s a good one, too. Makes me ashamed to be a girl and everything!
I'm back from sunny California. Oh me, oh my am I tired. I'm glad to be home but it was bittersweet.
For one, the Old Wolf is none too happy I went. (Don't even go there.) Secondly, I missed everyone back home more than I bargained for. Thirdly, turns out Gaki is going to Afghanistan. Damn.
I will post more later, I swear. But I seized on Sunday from no sleep, and my Regional VP was here yesterday and today so I have to y'know, look busy. And sound intelligent. Kinda hard when it sounds like you've got a tennis ball in your mouth.
Anyway, I have a WONDERFUL tan! The ocean in La Jolla was AWESOME, Sea World was great (if expensive) and oh yeah, L.A., Hollywood, and Bevery Hills can screw itself. Some of the most stuck up rude people I've ever met there. (Sorry Andrea, I know you're from around there. I don't mean you.)
I better go now, the meeting is about over. Hopefully the Old Wolf will forgive this young pup going. I will say that Gaki misses howling with the Old Wolf and the rest of the pack. But, this isn't my battle.
LOVES IT!
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