Since I'm all about getting married lately...As in I got hammered Wednesday night and proposed to Bryan. He said no. But I thought I'd post some pics from my HELLACIOUS first wedding. How hellacious you ask? Um, I was drunk during the ceremony. No joke.
Ever have one of those days where you wake up just itchin’ for a drink, but you’re so tired you’re afraid you’d drown in your rum and Coke? Really? Just me? Oh, well okay then.
I woke up late because I could not sleep last night. I suspect it’s because my Mother gave Bryan and I a new king sized bed, and I’m still getting used to it. The mattress is a heck of a lot firmer than our old one, and I’m not used to having so much room. I’m used to having Bryan smooshed right up against me, and now I can lie on the bed, like the Vitruvian man and still not touch him.
I also had a freaky dream about my delivery driver and the in house technician. The driver was King of Scotland, wearing a kilt and the uniform shirt, while the tech was a court jester…In a Spandex leotard. I need professional help.
I had all of five minutes to shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and get to work on time. I ended up taking a 2 second shower, pulling my still dripping-wet hair into a ponytail, eschewing makeup, grabbed the first pair of clean pants & shirt I could find and literally ran out the damn door.
On the way to work, a guy next to me was honkin’ up a storm. I turned, and it’s one of the guys I used to work with years ago. He knew my name, asked how Bryan as doing while I….Couldn’t for the life of me remember his name. He wanted to chat; as I was driving down the road, resisting the urge to just speed up and speed off. When he (finally) turned off, I was stuck behind Father Time in a caravan. Behind me was some kid who looks like he just graduated from wearing Scooby Doo underwear in an Accord. I dropped a gear, switched lanes, and passed him. The Scooby Dooby Doo kid pulled up next to me and shouted, “OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR MERCEDES! MARRY ME!”
Um, dude. It’s a BMW. It says so on the back. Can you not read the alphabet? Did you see the BMW logo and confuse it with Mercedes-Benz? I mean, seriously, WTF?
I got to work, and nearly wept with joy at the sight of coffee in the coffee pot. I poured myself a big mug, and took a long swallow, only to find out it was yesterdays brew that was kept warm and no one has made a fresh pot yet. I nearly wept again, but not for joy.
Then I got into a fight with a rep who submitted six different contracts for ONE account, so they’d have different rates throughout the year. When I told the customer it doesn’t work like that, she called the rep who informed her, verbatim, “Heidi doesn’t know shit.” Excuuuuse me? Who’s been here longer, and who’s dealt with contracts exclusively for that time? Oh, that’s right: ME. Screw you, bud. Y’know what? Screw you twice.
Finally, lunch time rolled around. I had $5 to my name, and thank God Boons Wine was one sale for $3.99. Yes, I did drink my lunch. I also found out that the Bimmer I’ve been RAVING about, showing off, and generally acting better than you in? It came thisclose to overheating while I was driving back from Ye Olde Liquor Store. That’ll teach me to be humble, won’t it? It wasn’t even 1:00PM yet, and I painted a pretty pathetic picture: hiding out in the back parking lot, drinking cheap wine from the bottle, chain smoking, and wishing I could take a spork from the break room to slit my damn wrists.
After lunch, I found out that I owe some company from years ago close to $350. For a bill that my ex-husband created, but it was in my name. When we divorced, he told me he’d take care of it, but the douchebag clearly never did. So, it went to collections, who took it to court. They tried serving me papers, at a job I haven’t worked at in over 4 years. Finally, someone over there wised up, because I got a notice in the mail about it, and I now have to find $350 somewhere and pay these douchetards, or they’ll garnish my wages. Aaaand since my ex and I never had anything more than a verbal agreement and it’s in my name, guess who’s stuck with the bill no matter what?
I found out we have 2 Coronas, and a bit o’ whiskey and tequila at the house. I’m thinking about just mixing all three together when I get home.
This week has been craptastic. Several little things that have happened have made me want to explode. Here's a run down:
-The guy who has the Blazer refused to give is our $100 deposit back since we decided not to buy it. Even though he told us he would. I've filed complaints with the BBB and the Washington Attorney Generals Office. (Who has a Twitter, BTW. That's just weird.)
-On the way home, I almost hit a guy in a BMW 328i who was turning left and didn't see me. I had the right of way, and yet I got reamed out for it. Um, excuse me? Hows abouts I just run you over outta spite?
-My computer at work has taken upwards of 15 minutes to boot up every morning. I'm told it needs more memory. Yet the office can't buy any, since we're on a purchasing freeze. Yet the reps want everything NOW. Then tell corporate to buy me more memory, OK?
-Wednesday my company released a press release saying they're laying off something like 3,600 employees company wide. They didn't send out an e-Mail to US. THEIR EMPLOYEES. Nope. A press release. Yet we're still getting wages and benefits cut. Screw you too, corporate.
-Pooker had 3 screaming, back arching tantrums Wednesday. Because Mama's mean and won't let her teeth on electrical cords. Thursday, we visited a friend of ours where she was a perfect little angel. We get home...Tantrums. Yay for behaving in public, I guess?
-Wednesday night I mended the lining in my favorite skirt, since it had torn. I've had this skirt for at least 5 years. Thursday, I'm walking out of the office and it rips up the back. At least I was wearing panties that day, no?
-We stopped by my friends house. This suck-ass Serb, Senecha was there. Number one, quit staring at my chest so blatantly. Especially in front of your cute GF. Two, if you're going to offer everyone else a cold one, it's generally considered courtesy to offer me one, too. Douche. Also, THINK BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR TRAP. I ended up telling him, verbatim, "Do you ever thinkg before you open your mouth? I mean, do you intentionally try to be a stupid, suckass douchebag or does it come naturally? Also, when you're offering everyone a beer, don't walk right past someone and ignore them. [As I go and get one myself.] God, I swear, you're such a f**cking douchebag! How you've managed to snag a cute, sweet little girlfriend is beyond me. Aside from the fact that you're a douchebag, you smell like you've never made the acquaintance of SOAP and you've got the worst acne I've ever seen." Everyone was rolling with mirth, since they all agreed, he had it coming. I felt better after that.
-Today, my friend Kevin texts me. He landed a PLUM financial analyst job making like $50k a year. He's got ZERO experience in the field, and no qualifications. But his Mom's BF has connections. I've been applying for jobs like that and I get the cold shoulder! Who in Karma land did I piss off?!
-Today, I checked my financial aid status. It says they're missing documents. Under the MISSING: list, there's nothing. I called and emailed them but I haven't heard anything. Okay, well then I guess I go to school elsewhere and they get my federal funding dollars.
I'm trying to keep a lid on my negativity, and keep things in perspective. At least I didn't hit the guy. At least my skirt didn't rip in the middle of the day. At least I have a job. At least Bryan isn't a douche. At least Bryan knows WTH soap is. Breathe, Heidi, breathe.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of envy and of jealousy, and it has marred my immortal soul. I have been too wrapped up in what other people have, not counted the blessings You have bestowed upon unworthy me. Forgive me, o Father, for Your blessings are too numerous to count. Amen.
That's a prayer I said last night, fervently whispering it, meaning it with all my heart. Here are a few things I've coveted, not looking at the blessings I already have.
Do I have a big, shiny, ring on my finger? No, I do not. But I do have Bryan. A good, decent man, who has proven time & time again how much he loves me. A man who's seen the worst of me, and loved me in spite of it. A man who fathered my amazing daughter, and who loves her so tenderly that it takes my breath away.
Do I have a big, new, $500,000 McMansion? No, I do not. But I do have a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, that has all the room we need and a yard that allows me to get my fingers into the soil to play. I also do not have the mortgage payment to go along with that. A house that I love to death, that I am proud to call home.
Do I have a brand new car parked out front? No, I do not. But I do have two vehicles that are almost 100% paid off. They aren't the newest cars. But they run & drive just fine, and they look decent. They get me from Point A to Point B without a hassle, and without driving up my gas bill. And let's face it, it's nice to live without a car payment.
Do I have the newest clothes, fresh off the racks? No, I do not. But I do have clothes that are cute, fit well, and do what they're designed to do. I have an outfit for every occasion. I don't need new clothes every week to feel loved. I'm content with what I have.
Do I have a job that pays $75,000 a year? No, I do not. But I have a job, nonetheless. A job that keeps me in hearth and home, food on the table, and allows for a few extras every month. Besides, a job that pays that much normally brings bigger IRS headaches. And most people who make that much feel like they have to keep up with the Joneses, which I am quite happy to do without.
Do I have a boyfriend who brings me roses every day? No, I do not. But I have a BF who'll wake up with the baby when I'm still sleepy and groggy. A boyfriend who'll make me coffee just the way I like it so when I get up, its their for me. A boyfriend that despite me ripping his heart out and spitting on it, asked for me to come back home. That, people, is love.
I watched a movie with Jada Pinkett-Smith and Toni Braxton. Jada's character envies Toni's because Toni lives in a McMansion with a Lexus, a to die for wardrobe, a handsome husband, and $1,000,000 income. Jada doesn't have these things. Toni turns to her in church and says, "You know...At night, when I'm laying in my bed, with my new Lexus filled with shopping bags, in a house that cost $2.3 million dollars...I lay there and I wonder...I wonder where on Earth my wayward husband is." Jada is stunned. Here she thinks this women leads a charmed life, a life full with things she wants. As it turns out, her life isn't so envious. Indeed, Toni envies Jada for the simpler exsistance she leads.
The next time you envy someone else, covet what they have, or are jealous...Remember Jada and Toni. And count thy blessings.
I enjoyed a nice, long weekend like so many of us did. Fourth of July is all about BBQ's, swimming in pools, and FIREWORKS.
Bryan and I schlepped over to Targét to find Pooker a little baby pool. I found an itty bitty one, perfect for her size, and $5.38 with tax. I figured, hey, she's my kid, right? And since I always loved the water, no matter what time of the day/night/year, she'd surely love it too. I mean, my love of all things aquatic is genetic, right? Eh...Not so much. I blew up on the way home, by myself. With my own lungs. I'm sure people passing us on the road thought, "Oh, how sweet. Look kids, that nice man is keeping the mentally retarded girl happy by giving her a pool to blow up!" We get home, I change her into her swimsuit, and fill the pool up and plunk her in it, all kinds of proud of myself.
She hates it. Pook just stood there, arms outstretched to me, crying. I figured she'd CLEARLY been switched at birth. I mean, any biological child of mine would take to the water like a duck, right? Meh. The second day, after it'd warmed up wasn't so bad. But she still will only stand in it.
As for BBQ's, ours died when we moved, and we haven't bought a new one yet. But I tried out a killer new burger recipe ad we bought the most delicious, totally unhealthy but oh mah GAWD worth it bacon and we grilled 'em on the Foreman grill. It was awesome.
Fireworks....Are illegal where I live. Unless it's sparklers, and frankly...Who the hell over the age of 5 gets excited by sparklers?! Not I, sir, not I. I wanted to go downtown to watch the fireworks but damn if they kid hadn't fallen alseep by then. After much, ah, debating between Bry and I it was decided that we'd park ourselves outside in the lawn and watch them from there. Beings that it was 500° degrees out, we waited inside until we heard the beginning boom. It was then that I reverted to my childhood, running outside excitedly, draggin' poor Bryan, to watch the FIREWORKS! THEY'RE STARTING! HURRY UP! I WANNA SEE 'EM, MOOOOVE! After ten false alarms, Bryan heard a boom and agreed that they had indeed started this time. Only to find out that A) you had to practically stand in the middle of the road and B) that didn't do much good since the damn trees on the damn block blocked any damn view you hoped to have of the damn fireworks. I may have been slightly, ah...Irritated.
Stupid fireworks. I didn't wanna really see 'em anyway.
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