So Sunday night I came down with what I thought was the flu. It sucked but whatever. I had a high fever and whatnot and by Monday I was over the fever, just completely exhausted. And I've been coughing NONSTOP and blowing my nose every other fucking minute. I figured, okay so I got over the flu and now I have a cold.
Since my azz aint got no insurance, I've been doing every single home or OTC remedy I could think of. Neti pots, humidifiers, Vicks VapoRub, throat lozenges, day time cough syrup, night time cough syrup, steam...Everything. But this morning I was coughing so hard that I couldn't get a breath, I was choking and gagging and throwing up. Okay, okay, I give up. Fine. I'll go to the doctor.
I have "influenza with broncopneumonia" which apparently is fancy-schmancy talk for walking pneumonia. I tried to argue "Okay, but I'm a Mom. I don't get sick. Can I still go to work? No? Just for a few hours? PLEASE?!" Nope. I'm supposed to park myself on the couch or in bed and drink TONS of fluids.
The worst part is that until I'm fully recovered, I can't touch my baby girl. I "can't risk getting her sick with this" and since she's already sick...Yeah....This sucks. I can't hold her?! WHAT?! Every morning I pick her up from her crib, she lays her head down on my shoulder, and just gives me this amazing full body hug. Her legs wrap around my torso, and her arms go aroudn my neck. It's my little slice of Nirvana every day. And now I have to miss that. I think that's worse than any illness I could possibly have.
According to the pedi, here are some signs I clearly don't love my daughter....
1) You heat up food in the microwave.
2) You give her infant Tylenold when she's in pain.
3) You let her cry it out when you know damn good and well all she needs is a nap.
4) You feed her crackers.
5) You give her a teething ring that hasn't been sterlized in the last 24 hours.
Seriously. So I sent an e-Mail to her pediatrician, because she's drooling more than usual and she's fussy more than usual. She sent an e-Mail back asking what I'm feeding her, is it hot or cold, what have I been giving her, have I tried teething stuff, and do I let her fuss it out a lot?
I told her I've been giving her formula, baby food, crackers, teething tablets don't do shit, and yes, I've tried teething rings, she just throws them petulantly, and yes I let her fuss it out when she's tired and only needs a nap. Holy shit did THAT piss her off.
How dare I heat up her food in the microwave? Don't I know that can cause hot spots? Maybe I've burned her! (No shit Sherlock EVERYTHING you heat up in a microwave has hot spots. Ever heard of stirring or shaking? She's not burned, for heavens sake, it's not like I pop it in there for 30 minutes. Yeesh.)
I'm giving her infant Tylenol? She could overdose! (Yes, if I gave her the whole freaking bottle. Look, teething tablets & infant Anbesol don't do shit for her so damn skippy I give her Tylenol. I give her maybe an eighth of a dropper full. I highly doubt she'll OD on it.)
Well, if I let her fuss it out all the time, she'll just learn that I don't love her. Maybe she's crying out for love. (Bullshit. She's held and played with quite a bit, thank you very much. I let her fuss it out when I know damn good and well all she needs is a nap. I think what she's learning is that Mama & Daddy aren't going to prolong nap/bedtime just because she wants to play. She's loved very much, and trust me, woman, she wants for nothing.)
I give her crackers?! CRACKERS?! Omigod, she could choke! (Funny because she gums them to the point that they're mush and then eats them. We watch her pretty closely, and she hasn't choked yet. She's learning to feed herself, and the firmness helps ease her pain. So screw you, she's still getting crackers.)
I don't sterilize her teething rings daily? She could get an infection! Maybe that's why she's fussy! (Hell no I don't sterilize them all the time. Why? Because we tried them for about a week and she hated them. Since then they've sat. They were clean when we gave them to her. If she had an infection, would'nt she also have a temp? She would? Okay, because she doesn't have on so piss off.)
I know this woman truly does have the best intentions of my child at heart. But honestly, don't lay the Mommy Guilt trip on me. I'm doing the exact same things Mama's for decades have been doing. She hasn't overdosed, been starved for love, choked, been burned, or had a major illness from my Mothering skills. So screw you, Ms. Highandmighty. I swear to God if it weren't for the fact that you're the only pediatrician in my city in my HMO, I'd switch. Get off your high horse. Oh, and you have a 'stache. FYI.
“Don’t wanna go!”
“You have to go.”
“Nuh huh! You can’t make me!”
“Very mature of you.”
“They have shots! It hurts!”
“I don’t care, you have to go.”
“Nooooo!”
“Heidi, stop it. You are going to take Pook to get her shots.”
“No, Bryan, why can’t you?”
“I don’t have any time left to take off. Why can’t you?”
“Because it hurts me more than it hurts her.”
“I know Heidi, but she has to havethem.”
“Fine. Meanie.”
That was the conversation I had six weeks ago with Bryan when I took Pooky in to get her shots. Oh, the agony! Sitting there, holding my squalling infant, me crying harder than her over the pain I could not take away. And this dark voice in my head saying you did this to her. You took her here, knowing she would be in pain. How could you?
And looking at the smiling nurse, wanting to punch her lights out. I know she was smiling sympathetically, she’s seen this a million times before. How dare she smile as both my daughter and I are crying and in pain?
“I’ll leave you two alone for a minute.”She said gently.
“Thank you.” I tried to keep the sarcasm from my voice, I don’t know if it worked.
“By the way, you might want to compose yourself. You’re only upsetting her further.” She imparts as she shuts the door.
WHAT?! Don’t tell me to compose myself! I’m in agony here! Can’t you see that? But I did finally get myself together, and I left.
And I have to relive this little scene again today. Damn you, Mrs. Pediatrician, for making her cry. DAMN YOU!
Today will be just effing great.
RSS Feed