So Sunday night I came down with what I thought was the flu. It sucked but whatever. I had a high fever and whatnot and by Monday I was over the fever, just completely exhausted. And I've been coughing NONSTOP and blowing my nose every other fucking minute. I figured, okay so I got over the flu and now I have a cold.
Since my azz aint got no insurance, I've been doing every single home or OTC remedy I could think of. Neti pots, humidifiers, Vicks VapoRub, throat lozenges, day time cough syrup, night time cough syrup, steam...Everything. But this morning I was coughing so hard that I couldn't get a breath, I was choking and gagging and throwing up. Okay, okay, I give up. Fine. I'll go to the doctor.
I have "influenza with broncopneumonia" which apparently is fancy-schmancy talk for walking pneumonia. I tried to argue "Okay, but I'm a Mom. I don't get sick. Can I still go to work? No? Just for a few hours? PLEASE?!" Nope. I'm supposed to park myself on the couch or in bed and drink TONS of fluids.
The worst part is that until I'm fully recovered, I can't touch my baby girl. I "can't risk getting her sick with this" and since she's already sick...Yeah....This sucks. I can't hold her?! WHAT?! Every morning I pick her up from her crib, she lays her head down on my shoulder, and just gives me this amazing full body hug. Her legs wrap around my torso, and her arms go aroudn my neck. It's my little slice of Nirvana every day. And now I have to miss that. I think that's worse than any illness I could possibly have.
According to the pedi, here are some signs I clearly don't love my daughter....
1) You heat up food in the microwave.
2) You give her infant Tylenold when she's in pain.
3) You let her cry it out when you know damn good and well all she needs is a nap.
4) You feed her crackers.
5) You give her a teething ring that hasn't been sterlized in the last 24 hours.
Seriously. So I sent an e-Mail to her pediatrician, because she's drooling more than usual and she's fussy more than usual. She sent an e-Mail back asking what I'm feeding her, is it hot or cold, what have I been giving her, have I tried teething stuff, and do I let her fuss it out a lot?
I told her I've been giving her formula, baby food, crackers, teething tablets don't do shit, and yes, I've tried teething rings, she just throws them petulantly, and yes I let her fuss it out when she's tired and only needs a nap. Holy shit did THAT piss her off.
How dare I heat up her food in the microwave? Don't I know that can cause hot spots? Maybe I've burned her! (No shit Sherlock EVERYTHING you heat up in a microwave has hot spots. Ever heard of stirring or shaking? She's not burned, for heavens sake, it's not like I pop it in there for 30 minutes. Yeesh.)
I'm giving her infant Tylenol? She could overdose! (Yes, if I gave her the whole freaking bottle. Look, teething tablets & infant Anbesol don't do shit for her so damn skippy I give her Tylenol. I give her maybe an eighth of a dropper full. I highly doubt she'll OD on it.)
Well, if I let her fuss it out all the time, she'll just learn that I don't love her. Maybe she's crying out for love. (Bullshit. She's held and played with quite a bit, thank you very much. I let her fuss it out when I know damn good and well all she needs is a nap. I think what she's learning is that Mama & Daddy aren't going to prolong nap/bedtime just because she wants to play. She's loved very much, and trust me, woman, she wants for nothing.)
I give her crackers?! CRACKERS?! Omigod, she could choke! (Funny because she gums them to the point that they're mush and then eats them. We watch her pretty closely, and she hasn't choked yet. She's learning to feed herself, and the firmness helps ease her pain. So screw you, she's still getting crackers.)
I don't sterilize her teething rings daily? She could get an infection! Maybe that's why she's fussy! (Hell no I don't sterilize them all the time. Why? Because we tried them for about a week and she hated them. Since then they've sat. They were clean when we gave them to her. If she had an infection, would'nt she also have a temp? She would? Okay, because she doesn't have on so piss off.)
I know this woman truly does have the best intentions of my child at heart. But honestly, don't lay the Mommy Guilt trip on me. I'm doing the exact same things Mama's for decades have been doing. She hasn't overdosed, been starved for love, choked, been burned, or had a major illness from my Mothering skills. So screw you, Ms. Highandmighty. I swear to God if it weren't for the fact that you're the only pediatrician in my city in my HMO, I'd switch. Get off your high horse. Oh, and you have a 'stache. FYI.
Dear Mommy Guilt,
Hello there again. It's always nice when you drop in. I've been meaning to say this for some time now, so I guess now is as good a time as ever. Whew, here I go: KISS MY ASS. I've never liked you to begin with, and tonight just sealed the deal for our break up. You read me correct, I told you to kiss off. Permanently, you bitch. That is all.
Sincerely,
Heidi
So tonight was my office party. As everyone knows, Pook has had a cold for the last week or so. But, Bryans parents offered to take her overnight, and we all too happily accepted. After all, Bryan and I haven't been out without the kids since Pook was born. And I haven't had the chance to dress up in over a year, either. And by dress up, I mean I got my nails done, my hair done, my makeup done, bought a new dress, and shaved my legs. Ever since I bought my $20 dress, I've been fighting off waves of Mommy guilt. My nails cost another $15. Part of me knows that spending $20 on a dress and $15 on a brand new set of nails is dirt cheap. But the Mommy guilt part of me knows that that's $35 that could've gone towards some for Pook. At any rate, we went to my office party. And I had a drink! And I had fun! And I didn't worry about Pook! (Granted, the inlaws have roughly 50 years combined nursing experience under their belts, raised Bry and his sister and Bubs and T.) At any rate, the conversation didn't revolve around her cold, eating habits, or bowel movements! (Why am I online instead of enjoying my night alone? I digress.)
But tonight I actually let myself enjoy myself. For the first time since she was born. And tonight, I've officially decided that the Mommy Guilt I've been carrying around over this party can KISS MY ASS. I deserve some me time every now and then, dammit.
Afterwards, exhausted but happy.
Isn't it bad when the next morning you look better than you did the night before?
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