Heidi's Hell Hole

Body, we need to have a word, you and I.

At first, I admit, having a cold was kind of cool, in a twisted sort of way. I walked around in a medicated stupor, and I was able to get away with not remembering things and parking myself on the couch.

I felt like hell, but I could be lazy. But you've taken this just a bit too far.

We are now on our sixth day of this crud. I have filled you with OJ, Dayquil, Nyquil, throat drops, chicken soup, and hot toddies to help you fight this off. What have you done?

Have you felt better? Nay, body, you have not.  You just continue to not fight this crap off. Wait, that's not fair. Yesterday I only threw up once! And after that I just dry heaved! Congratulations! Much better than the previous day when I puked five times, two of those times were at work. And since I'm out of sick time, my bosses deemed that as long as I Lysol the hell out of everything I touched, I needed to be at work. My dearly beloved told me to just stay at home, even if it was unpaid. Nay, I cried, NAY! Unpaid time off = not paying rent.

But today....Oh today. I woke up after sleeping well into the afternoon with a raging headache. I feel good if I lay down but the second I get up, the room spins. Oh! And lest I forget, what was coming out of my mouth is now coming out the other end.

WTH, body? I thought we agreed we'd start to get better. I've done everything I can to get you better, and this is how you repay me? By feeling worse? Look, body, I like you. No, really, I mean that. You're a cute little thing when you're healthy. You're not stick-thin, but nor are you fat. You're right in the middle, and it's cute. You allow me to be able to chase after our child with ease. You also do some pretty cool things in the boudior, if I may be so bold.

But if you don't start getting healthy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to exchange you for a different model. Perhaps one with longer legs?  So lets make a deal: I'll continue to do what I can to get us healthy, and you'll start to get healthy.

Nice chatting with ya.